Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
