The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He better not be in your backpack
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
