If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
