i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
