i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
