so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
