first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
