i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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