I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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