"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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