Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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