Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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