you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
