You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I love black thongs
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
