he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
