I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
