I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
