She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
