I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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