I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
