if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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