i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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