Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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