Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
