Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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