you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Enjoy the penises
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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