I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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