Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
