yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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