dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
