Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
