just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
