I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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