i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
