The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
