i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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