no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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