The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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