I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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