So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
