All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
