I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
