I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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