In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My bed smells like the plague
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
