there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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