On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
