I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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