if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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