So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
