why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
