guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
