Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
