I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
