Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
