I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
