I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
