I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
