It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
