FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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