she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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